The Avenue

I do not talk about our church much on here but I am really blessed to be part of this group of people.... We don't get just get together on Sundays, sing songs, have a children's ministry and live separate lives.  Our goal is serve others just as Jesus served others while living like a family.  A few weeks ago, about seventy five college students (we are on a college campus) and families got together and packaged meals that were sent to Zambia...How many meals? 20,000.  Yep, that is a lot. 

Today in lieu of having a typical service, we piled into a parking lot on the University of Louisville's campus and built the walls of a house that will be given to family who lost their home in Madison, Indiana due to the tornadoes.  We did this in about three hours.  There were tons of people and now a family nearby will be blessed.

Children were encouraged to help and while Chernet did not understand why we were doing this, he had fun.  With Tedi, though, we thought it was important to learn about serving others.  I hope he got a little taste of it today...at least we tried.   We are very blessed to be part of this church and wish more of our friends would try it out as well.



Our Team....

His Granpa Kevin would be proud



They did work at some point ;-)



Tedi, Chernet, Jovi

A view of the teams

Chernet, dressed for the occasion

Working together



How Much Do You Matter? (Borrowed Blog Post)

I DID NOT WRITE THIS!!!  It is from Building the Blocks blog.  Amy Block, a mother of four biological kids and five adopted kidswho is now a missionary in Guatemala, should get all the credit It is so good and so true for many of us....

 

One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.

~ Mother Teresa

Image with me for a minute…
Right now, today… you are small and alone.
You are hungry and lost.
You have no home, no parents, and seemingly no future.
You are scared, and weak, from days without food. You have no where to go, no where to be.
People walk by you but they don’t even look your way.
It’s like you are invisible, nothing.
You keep walking, your feet are bleeding and sore… and yet still you manage to cling to the small bit of hope, the little voice inside your head that says maybe, just maybe, one day things will get better.
Maybe one day -you will matter.
It is getting dark outside- inside your fear is growing.
Where will you go?
Your heart is beating faster, and your fear becomes over whelming, consuming your every thought.
Then you see it, a dirty, broken cardboard box and you bow your head thanking God for His provision.
For you have found it- shelter.
Safety, if only for one night.
You slip underneath it, hugging yourself, vowing once again not to cry- because by now you know tears are a waste of your strength.
Your eyes become heavy, despite the sweltering temperature.
As you begin to drift off to sleep you pray, hoping, dreaming, of a family of your own one day...
of a place where you will matter...
to someone.

Half away around the world is a family...

They are just sitting down to dinner together.

They are smiling and their laughter fills the room.

Dinner is served and they bow their heads and they pray- thanking God for their many blessings… their home, their job, the food that is set before them.

They lift their heads and go back to the laughter and the joy.

They talk of their upcoming vacation plans, the lunch date they shared with a friend today and the movie they plan to see this coming weekend.

More laughter, more excitement, more.

As the leftovers are scraped into the garbage can and the table is cleaned up, hot bubble bathes are taken by all.

Evening settles in, and the family slips under their down comforters preparing for a good nights sleep.

Before turning out the lights, the husband leans over to kiss his wife good-night. She shyly smiles at him and begins to tell him that she has been feeling that perhaps God is calling them to adopt.

The room grows quiet as they are both lost in their own thoughts… their minds are flooded with questions, concern, and then inevitably -fear.

How could they manage?
Another child?
Why, they already have two!
Where would they put the child?
Who would share a room?
How could they afford to adopt?
Would they be able to take that vacation?
What would people think?
What if the child, you know, caused ‘problems’?

As their eyelids become heavy, they begin to drift off to sleep... and they think to themselves ‘surely not’.

Surely God knows this is not convenient.

Surely God wants them to take that vacation they deserve...

Surely he knows how busy they are.

They have plans and they have dreams.

As sleep overcomes them, the temperature in their master bedroom is perfect… and their pillows are fluffed to perfection.

Life is good for them, just as they had planned...

Because after all, they matter...

Too much...

to themselves.

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. "- 1 John 3:16-20

Prayer Time (JT's Post)

Natalie traveled to Pittsburgh the past few days for a fellowship interview.  I spent the past few days in "single dad mode."  Single dad JT serves dinners of Pizza Rolls, Veggie Burgers and Baked Lays Chips.  I am proud that I limited myself to one beer per night (the thought of getting tanked did cross my mind) and no toys were harmed while Natalie was away (if you've ever heard my kids play harmonicas or Shake and Go Woody you know this is an accomplishment). 

During our bedtime ritual, the last thing the boys do (besides empty their bladders which apparently are the size of a spare tire) is to climb into my lap and pray.  Prayer time with two 5-year olds is hilarious.  Prayer time with two five-year olds who are recently adopted is high comedy.  Chernet thinks closing our eyes for prayer = peek-a-boo.  Tedi tries to say the same prayer every night.  He is very ritualistic.  I think he was born Presbyterian (sorry for that failed attempt at theological humor).

I generally pray for these things with my kids:

-their behavior at school
-help Mommy be a good doctor 
-help Daddy do a good job at work and church
-thank God for family and friends
-committing my children's lives to service to others and searching for relationship with God
-their relatives back in Ethiopia

The past few nights, the weight of that last request has weighed heavily on my mind.  We do not know much about Chernet's family.  We met Tedi's mom and several of his siblings.  I know the type of environment they live in and the struggles they face daily.  Dwelling on this situation is difficult.  Often, Tedi becomes emotional when I pray for his birth family.  I am unsure if he is crying for them or the thought of them.  Either way, it pains me to see my son grieve. 

During my personal study time, I find God has sent me a clear message recently over and over.  It is a mantra of which I need to remind myself constantly:

"Just because I have promised you something does not mean you will get it easily.  You will have to fight for it." 

God has promised us a family that will be restored and redeemed.  He never promised us that it would be easy.  Knowing this makes the "fight" a little easier.  I try to find rest in this fight (I know that sounds counter-intuitive) because it is a fight that God Himself has called our family to.  I am proud to fight for my two little men.  I am not a perfect dad.  Heck, most days my plan is to get out of the way long enough to let Natalie do her thing.

1 Peter 1:6

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials."



The Friday Five

I did these regularly when I started my blog....The top 5 things making the week....sometimes I would choose topics (top 5 adoption t-shirts, top 5 things for kids, top 5 books)

Now that fall TV is back, I will pick my top 5 shows this fall.  Keep in mind, most are DVR-ed and saved for later dates.  I hope it goes without saying but I will say it nonetheless, our kids DO NOT watch these with us.  Come one people.

1) NFL...
Really all football. We just love it.  Our perfect Sunday is coming home from church, putting on sweats, turning on whatever game is on and eating football food.  One way to spend a great fall day in the Henderson house. 

2) The Good Wife
We all loved Julianna Margulies as George Clooney's girlfriend, Carol, on ER.  She is now on The Good Wife, which we have been watching for a season or so now.  We thoroughly enjoy it and ends are Sunday night shortly after football ends.

 

3) Modern Family
Who does not love it?!?!  Why should I even explain?  If you have a family even slightly deviant of Leave it Beaver, you will appreciate this. 

4) Scandal
This is a new show for us..... it is a mix of politics and drama and sex set in Washington DC.  Kerry Washington, the lead actress, is one of most beautiful women I have seen.  Plus she does a great job in this show.  We are not hooked to this yet but it definitely makes the DVR.

 

5) This one is a toss up.  JT and I will argue this one out.  There is the Office, which used to top the list and still makes a weekly appearance but is falling off.  JT loves the MTV series REAL WORLD/ROAD RULES Challenge.... yes, he is the only 35 year old still watching it. Yep, I just outed him.  I will vote for Project Runway.  We both watch Law & Order: SVU.  I am trying to get JT to watch Glee but he is not there yet.... Can anyone convince him?

I think that is it.  What are some of your favorites?

Remember the Day....

Some days....this is how I feel.  Don't we all.

500th Post: Eyes that See

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

This is my 500th blog post.  Crazy, huh?!?  I thought I would make it a good one, an important one...at least I will try.

I had a friend message me a couple of weeks ago on Facebook and ask "Do you think adoption is the best way to help all orphans? Should that always be the end goal? Is adoption right for everybody"  I did not answer for a while because I really wanted to think about this. 

You know, adoption is not right for everyone.  For some families, it just is not the right thing.  Also, international adoption is not the cure for the orphan epidemic, and thus adoption is not the best way to help ALL orphans.  Many orphans will never see an orphanage but will live with family members or may find an orphanage but be ineligible for adoption.

So whether your family is called to adoption, supposed to adopt, frankly whatever.... we can all do something to help these kids.  Rather than worrying about chicken sandwiches and Chicago teacher salaries and stances on minor political issues and if UK or UL is better (who really gives a flip), we can actually make a difference in the life of a child (see the quote above).  Think about the time and energy and money we waste on things like these yet how easily we could help.

There are so many ways to pitch in....help families adopting (many of you have done that for us), speak out for families, go on trips to build orphanages, work with agencies who help orphans.  I want to talk about an agency I feel strongly about.... An organization so so close to us for a multitude of reasons....

Eyes That See was started by our friends Matt and Nikki Ness.  They are such amazing people.  They have 5 children and their two oldest sons are the boys I want my sons to emulate.  (Ironically, they were the couple that started the orphanage where Tedi lived, KVI).  Now they run Eyest That See, which has three main projects:

Keziah Project: In their words: The purpose of the Keziah House is to rehabilitate women who are living in prostitution by providing a dormitory living space with intensive counseling and life skills. The goals of this program are to give each woman a safe environment and the tools to make this a successful transition, allowing her to leave her former life. Immediate medical needs will be met, as well as job and life skills being taught, with the goal of each woman being able to successfully live offsite at the end of the program.

10c Dabo: 10c Dabo is our feeding program that feeds over 100 students for the Eshet School. The feeding program began when we learned that some of these kids were completely unable to function at school because they had absolutely no food available. When we asked how much the food costs, we learned that it was just ten cents for a piece of dabo (bread). 

Child Sponsorship/Schools: They are now running two schools.  As part of this, they are now offering child sponsorship... for $25 each month the child will have a meal at school, a uniform, tuition, and basic medical needs.  This is a new program and there are around 200 kids.

My challenge to you....

I know a lot organizations offer child sponsorship.  But I am talking to those of you who may follow our blog, do not feel that you are ready to adopt or are called to adopt but always talk of wanting to do more, do something.  You can be Christian, Muslim, Hindu, brown, yellow, white, pink, conservative, democrat,.... you can be whoever but just want to make a difference for a kid... I encourage you think about it...$25 bucks is what we spend on coffee, on diet coke, on ONE MEAL eating out. 

JT and I talked about it and wanted to teach our boys giving and responsibility and sacrifice so that others may have.....we decided to sponsor two children, one for each of the boys.  They can send the children letters (if you count what they write letters) and pictures each month and learn about the kids.  When we travel back to Ethiopia, we can easily meet these kids.  We want to invest in these kids for these could very easily have been our boys. 

So what can you do.... if you are interested: click http://www.eyesthatsee.org/2012/09/sponsor-a-child/.  If you have questions, me nataliehenderson21@yahoo.com and I can set you up with Nikki.  Below is a picture of one of the boys we are sponsoring.  Let's see how many children we can get sponsored just through people I know.  Seriously, you will spend more than this on trivial things....think about this and change a life.

And his name is Chernt....appropriately so since our son's and Tedi's bio brother also have this name.

 

American Citizen & Ethiopian New Year

 Yesterday we received this important document!  I am not sure that you can see it, but it is Chernet's citizenship certificate.  Important Details: He is single :-)  What a random note.  And they gave him a few inches!  How cute is he!?!?!  We celebrated with our friends tonight over champagne. 

In other news, Ethiopian New Year is 9/11 (ironic, eh?).  We celebrated this past Saturday with our friends the Armstrongs, the Browns, and a new family to the adoption world, the Hoppertons.  Brittney and Donna cook the food....yes, the Ethiopian food.  My instructions: bring dessert and your Ethiopian serving dish.  I slept post night shift so the dessert did not happen and I FORGOT the dish.  I felt so guilty.  I really did.  JT finally looked at me and said,

"Natalie, people do not hang out with you for your cooking or domestic abilities.  Don't feel guilty."

I am not sure if this was a compliment but I think it is true.  Britt took several pics...again, not my gift (wonder what mine really is).... Enjoy!

Yes, rocking a Barbie car

The homemade Ethiopian food

My man sipping coffee....not dramatic at all



The whole gang

The coffee

So so happy to have injera

The kid loves sports

HIV Chairman's Conference

 Last week I had been mentioning that I was preparing my HIV presentation for work...well it is called "Chairman's Conference." It is a thirty minute presentation that is given in front the entire department of pediatrics (well who ever shows up), including residents, rotating medical students, and faculty.  It is a big deal, or at least it feels like one.  You choose an interesting patient/case, present said case, and then do a teaching portion on the case. 

I wanted mine to be good.... I always do, but this is my last one.  I decided that not only did  I want it to be good, but I wanted to make a difference....to teach and educate, but also to bust up some myths.  I decided to present Chernet and his HIV as my case, despite the risk of everyone around me knowing and possibly judging and questioning (an issue I am working on)...

I was my usual, sarcastic self, though simultaneously professional.  I received good feedback so far.  I had several people ask me to share the presentation on here.... I am not technologically advanced enough to know how to upload the entire presentation...all 88 slides of it.  So, the Natalie version: take screen shots with my iPhone, email them to myself, upload to blog.  Here ya go....

The anonymous poll that opened the presentation.  Audience members had "iclickers" were you can enter an answer.  There was a mix between A and C, though I thought, even in medicine, it would be predominantly "C".

Between the previous slide and this one, I presented Chernet's medical numbers and labs... the case and then summarized it with the slide below....

For my "teaching" portion of the talk, I wanted a different approach...one to keep everyone interested and out of their phones without being boring and harping on medicine but rather giving the social and everyday side of HIV.  Erin, my friend/mentor/boss (though I prefer the first and second titles), came through for me... she recommended presenting it from both the parent perspective and the pediatrician perspective, each of which I am qualified to speak about.  She suggested doing it with the top 5 questions that parents would have and the same for pediatricians.  Though I would not say it to her face, she was right.  I believe this aspect of the presentation is what made it most successful and overall, very relateable.  Below are the questions from parents. 

 
Per JT's request, I led this section with "Unless your play dates involve, sexual contact, needle sharing or vaginal deliveries, your kids shouldn't get HIV" and received quite a few laughs.  I spent time on each area, but mostly regarding perinatal (mother-child transmission).  Then I proceeded with how you DO NOT get HIV...I included pictures of my boys sweating together, swimming together, sharing straws, and with their friends.  The pictures were a hit as well.

 

These were the questions I used to present issues for pediatricians.  This was geared toward the private pediatrician but I addressed inpatient and outpatient medicine as well as transitioning children to adulthood. 

 

 
Changing the stigma...I thought this was important to know and hear.  It was shocking to many and I think eye opening to some!

 

 

 

And, of course, I had to thank the important people.  Dr. Marshall is one of Chernet's infectious disease doctors and the ID attending who reviewed the talk.  Erin Owen, as I mentioned earlier, helped with structure and overall presentation and reviewed it more times than she had time to...Christa (and Danielle) are the chief residents... Erica and Heather are two my very best friends and both reviewed the presentation and kept me from melting down the day of... Most importantly, all of these people love my boys.  Yes, even the people with "DR" before their names.  An infectious disease doc, a critical care attending and residents alike love them..I thank them more for that than helping with a presentation...

 

Like I said, overall I feel that it went well.  If you have more questions or would like to see the full presentation, feel free to email me!

First World Fails....and Fantastics

Jen Hatmaker writes great blogs that I enjoy reading.  The previous two blogs were heavy topics, but were followed this week by a post entitled Not a Fan.... where she highlights several First World things of which she is "not a fan"....hilarious!  (First World: things here in America and the Western world that seem important but in the big picture...AKA: everywhere else....don't matter). 

I did not want to steal her title or completely her idea but I thought I could throw together my own version.  I am a bit witty.  Oh wait, that is cynicism and sarcasm.  I think it is funny.  So here you go, the me version....4 things of which will deem FAILS and 4 which I will call FANTASTIC.  (knowing that these are still "first world" and matter nothing to my existence but sometimes make existing easier...I know this because I have been elsewhere...No judging here)  There is no Mother Teresa, who I adore, here but more like

So here you go......

Fantastics:
1) YouTube.... Fantastic
Yes, I will concede that there are weirdos out there that post things.  Yet on YouTube, you can watch music videos, post videos for family to watch, see movie trailers and clips, view part of TV shows and of course watch other peoples' ridiculousness.  Yes, YouTube, you are indeed a First World positive.

2)  Diet Coke.... Fantastic
I would like to state that I am not overtly addicted to caffeine (JT may disagree).  However, I thoroughly enjoy the carbonation.  I find nothing better than a carbonated, caffeinated, cold diet coke.  This is a win at any time of the day.  Thank you, Coca Cola.  I appreciate you.

3)  iPhone apps.... Fantastic
My favorites that definitely make my life better..... Pandora, Lexicomp (pharmacy), Sleepmaker (I am like Pavlov's dog when I turn this on), Amharic translator (yeah, I think I just tell myself this), Weather Channel, DisneyStore, DisneyJunior FREE, RedBox, Instagram.... Love these and I am sure I could more that I would love.  These do make our First World lives easier. I appreciate them.

4) Cards.... Fantastic
I had to toss this one in here.  I love them, all brands, especially the unique boutique-y ones....especially the ones with quotes....and ones that flirt with the line of being overly inappropriate.  I love getting them.  Even more, I love getting them.  They say "I was thinking about...when I bought it, when I wrote in it...and when I gave it to you..."  Much more than an email, a text.... I love these.  Enough said.


Fails:
(oh, don't go and get offended.  these are fun)
1) Stick people decals on the backs of cars..... FAIL
I am sorry if you have them.  Well, no I am not.  They just really annoying me.  We even designed ones on a night shift, jokingly, for the variety of family combinations we see at the hospital.  They don't see these in stores.  And where do you buy these?  I don't just run into them in everyday shopping outings at Kroger, Wal-Mart, or Target.  It must take work to find them.  And yet, they are everywhere.  I mean, seriously? 
 
2) TLC's shows about the worst part of America.... FAIL
Toddlers and Tiara, Honey Boo Boo, Hoarders, Sister Wives, I Didn't Know I was Pregnant, etc....
Train wrecks that once you start watching you feeling coerced into continuing.  You become a little less intelligent with each passing scene and you wonder if these people are actually real...We have failed ourselves yet we can not turn away

3)  Handling Raw Chicken.....  FAIL
I can sew people and cut them open and put needles in them and tubes and lines...put having to handle raw chicken makes me a bit nauseous.  I do it...I mean I make pretty good panko fried chicken so I do it. I HATE IT.... I will even pay extra $ for the trimmed chicken. Then, if you freeze it, those white linings on the bottom of the paper are stuck to it.  You are hosed trying to get that off.  JT enjoys watching this....or rather watching me be frustrated with it.  Yes, maybe it is not the chicken that fails but rather Natalie.

4)  Wire Hangers..... FAIL
I see all these people posting on facebook asking for wire hangers for kiddie consignment sales.  Nothing will make lose my religion quicker than when several wire hanger get stuck together.  And those damn beloved dry cleaner continue to perpetuate this problem.  Oh man, I can not stand these.  Then, try stepping on one at a weird angle.  Yep, these are epic fails in my humble opinion. 


*I left out car pool line numbered decals... I can not even get started on this.
Okay, I realize I am not nearly as funny as Jen Hatmaker but these are definitely a change in pace and thought.

Blue Smile & Jesus

As the title implies, this will be a random post, and quick one at that.  Today was a blue smile day....I opened Chernet's backpack today searching for the behavior color of the day.  It is kind of like America's terror alert system. Blue is better than yellow, orange or red....We have been living in the Lincoln Performing Arts School verson of the NO FLY ZONE...yellow was our previous goal... SOOO blue is beautiful in this house.  Before I could even get to the folder, he was saying

"Sa-my-ell" in a thick Ethiopian accent.  I quickly realized he was trying to say "smile." Well as you can see below, there was a blue smile in Chernet's behavior calendar.  You can see the orange creeping in from yesterday.  While we have so many little things to work on, we CELEBRATE the little blue smiley face.  (check out my initials above with accompanied smile of own.)  I may have said that ice cream will be in order if there are two blue days in a row....wonder if he understood that English....?  He is my son so I think so.

 

 

 

Here is where Jesus comes to play.... My friend and her daughters were over today after school...the best kind of visit...spontaneous, impromptu.  The kids played and we ate dinner and such.  Her younger daughter, Evie, found the boys sparse craft stuff (you know how I feel about crafting) which consisted of crayons and construction paper.  A few minutes later, this was posted to our fridge. 

 

 

If you can't see it, there is a boy and a girl labeled Tedy and Evie.  I am not sure if they are holding hands but they are clearly friends.  And really isn't that what Jesus was all about.  Just loving each other....regardless of anything else.  There was no black, white, rich, poor, healthy, sick, Protestant, Catholic, Republican, Democrat... he really just loved people.  I know some of you will argue that it is more complicated than that.... Maybe it is, but I think if we really sought to love each other without pretense and essentially like children do, our world, our jobs, our homes, our relationships in general would look a lot different.

 

Okay, enough of my two cents tonight.  Off to give a mock presentation to my sleeping men, yes they are all sleeping now.  I won't apologize for talking about it.  It will be over tomorrow and you will not have to hear about it any longer.  Don't worry.  I will find something else to ramble about.

 



Says so much...

This picture, taken on Saturday, says so much about the boys' personalities. 

Brownies and Pictures

Because today was not a great day, I am reminding myself of the funny stuff that has happened, like these pictures taken yesterday.  Because it was not a great week, I took other people brownies  while they worked on a holiday.  Don't get me wrong.  I occasionally loathe in self pity (though I TRY not to) but I figure it is easier to make other people happy...by making them brownies and drinking diet coke together.  Or watching Chernet pop and lock like Chris Brown or Usher.  The little things, the special people, the ones make the little struggles a bit more bearable.  So I am thankful, even when some days are frustrating, for the people who make life better, lovelier, and at least will watch funny YouTube videos with you.  For husbands who do laundry and pre-pack lunches and bake muffins for the next day's breakfast.  And for kids, who despite the vast amount of time spent in time out, give raspberry kisses and dance like Usher and call me mommy.  This makes it worth it... And who really does not like brownies?!?!?!  Speaking of, watching Chernet's face as I watched him lick the bowl the first time was PRICELESS.

The outfits they put on when they woke up.

When we told him to get dressed for bed....

....and five minutes later

HIV & Our Everyday

I have been waiting for this post for awhile.  I wanted to really speak truthfully and experiential about it when I finally wrote it..... When we agreed to HIV+ adoption, we did not know what Chernet's health would be. He could have been very ill....had TB in the past....had other opportunistic or AIDS-defining illnesses....had a very low CD4 count or high viral load..... or all of the above.  Regardless, we were said "okay."  We said yes. 

Chernet got off the plane around 1:00 am on Monday, July 23.  At three o'clock in the afternoon this neurotic pediatrician mom had us at the Infectious Disease clinic for blood work (after filing for insurance of course).  He was is skinny and I was quite worried about his health.  He hopped his tiny tail up in the chair and did little more than smile as they drew about 11 vials of blood from his little arm.  They drew CD4 (immune system cell that HIV attacks), viral load (amount of HIV in his blood), electrolytes, CBC, and nutritional labs. 

Chernet was taking one and half tabs in the morning and one tab at night of Triomune Junior, a drug I later learned that is not available in the US but used in resource-limited countries.  He was also taking Bactrim, as are all HIV+ kids in Ethiopia, because CD4 counts are not regularly checked.  That first day we gave him the pill.  He easily swallowed it with a sip of water better than most teens I see at the hospital. 

We got his labs back.... his CD4 was great, in the 1500s.  His viral load was UNDETECTABLE.  His labs were otherwise unremarkable.  (the bad mom in me still hasn't sent the stool studies....tomorrow's goal).  We were all so shocked...even the ID doctors.  They had us repeat his basic test to prove he was even HIV+... he was, but shockingly well controlled.

We had a decision to make.... once he runs out of his supply of meds from Ethiopia, which have him so well controlled, do we stay on the same three meds that make up his one pill or do we switched to a more common regimen here in the US.  The medicines that make up his combination may have unfavorable side effects but switching regimens could make his CD4 drop as well other potential side effects.....

So after conversations with the ID docs, we decided to stay on the same regimen.  Once his pills run out, he will take one and half pills in the morning and at night plus 15 mLs both times. 

EVERYDAY LIFE WITH HIV (at least around here):

We really do not notice it.  That is not a minimalization of it.  Chernet takes his medicines.... and honestly, Tedi is the best reminder. 

"Uh, mommy, it is time for my vitamin and Chernet's medicine."  Thanks dear.  I realize I am a sub-par parent at times.

Tedi was a bit jealous at first, hence the implementation on the twice daily vitamins.  My parents have kept the boys without issues.  There may be some more pains when we add another liquid to it...

The only time we notice it is when someone asks about it.... normally the big questions are concerns about bleeding...that makes most people nervous... what happens if he bleeds around them?  Well, we clean it up.  That is it.  Seriously, I promise you can really get it from only from sex, needles and pregnancy....  and we are not doing that at dinner parties... Well, at least not at our house.  :-)

I will post updates about this occasionally but otherwise there is not always a ton to tell.  If you have questions, please send us an email!  We would love to answer questions.  I am giving my presentation this Thursday on HIV....fingers crossed.

All of Me



A lump welled in my throat as my iPhone lit up with a new message.  I just plopped down onto a hospital waiting area couch dressed uncomfortably in a suit, fresh from my second pediatric critical care fellowship interview. It had been a tough week with family and the boys..... Despite this, initially, I was on a high.  For one for the first times in my career, I felt that I could talk about something intelligently and feel a little bit smart.  Then, in an unfamiliar lobby in an unfamiliar city, I sat voice quivering fighting back the nagging pressure of tears trying to make my mascara run.  I had a voicemail from Chernet's school counselor....that is never who you want calling.  Then, I got a hold of JT.  Chernet had troubles in school on Monday and on Wednesday....troubles with personal boundaries and social behaviors (I am going to leave it at that for now.)  However, Thursday was the worst incident. 

 

As JT re-told the incident, spoke reassuring words to me, explained the plan of the school (who has been remarkably great with us), I fought tears and a breaking heart.....I was breaking, not for myself, but this smiling little boy.... a boy whose previous life we do not know the details of....if these behaviors are cultural, attention seeking or a result of experiences we do not want him to have had.  I knew I may be blowing it out of proportion.  JT, my wonderful husband, had calmly handled all of it.  He was reasonable when I was not....(not always the case).  Even as I let the tears come out as I called my friend and she again reassured me and loved on me with her words, I felt sad.  Could it be normal behavior?  Sure, maybe.  JT called back and reminded me, "nat, parenting is tough.  parenting an adopted child is tough in a different way.  There are past hurts and experiences we can not change.  we are called to this and therefore must love Chernet through this. We have to love him regardless."  Truer words have not been spoken. 

 

I found myself on Friday afternoon sitting in the O'Hare F terminal, the one for the small local planes without real jetways, trying to drown out the sounds of the air unit and airplane engines.  I put in my ear phones, with only the right ear working well.  My Pandora mix of Wilson Phillips, Katy Perry, Sister Hazel, old school Mariah, Zac Brown, Bruno Mars, and OneRepublic was more than the O'Hare 3G could handle so I was flipped on my iTunes.  I missed the first song as I rambled through a couple of interview thank you notes.  Then, Matt Hammitt started singing in my right ear.  I restarted the song and began focusing on the words.

 

I first heard this song when JT's cousins, Richie and Brooke, lost their 7 day old son, Eli, in our very own ICU here in Louisville.  This song was played at Eli's funeral.  Upon further reading, the song was written by the leader singer of Sanctus Real,  Matt Hammitt, after his son, Bowen, was diagnosed with hypoplastic left heart syndrome.  The song is completely fitting for the illness and journey these families go through.  While my journey is not like that of parents who deal with HLHS, the words of this song really made me stop and think... Chernet (as well as Tedi) is worth all of my love, all of my tears....even if I can not go back and change his past....I can just love him the rest of his future.  I realize this issue may seem minimal because I am not talking a lot about specifics.... but adoption can be messy and we are called to just keep pushing through and loving...This song helped me realize....JT was right. There you go, I admitted it (only once). We must love.  Continue to love, no matter what. 

 



Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start
I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you

Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

It's where I'll start   

 

Party Time

On Sunday, my gracious mother in law (Sharon) hosted a "welcome home party" for Chernet.  We had a pool party, as you can see from the invitation below, at my in-laws neighborhood pool.  What a great day it was.  Sharon prepared tons of food and invited our family and a few close friends...

We are so blessed to have people in our lives how love us and our boys so much.  Enjoy a few pictures.  There aren't many because I would NEVER take pictures of people in swimsuits.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.... still applicable as an adult.

9 Stations

This past Thursday and Friday our church did 24 hours of prayer.  I first thought it would be sitting quietly and praying.  Let me be quite honest. I could not do that.  I have quite good focus but that is not my idea of easy.  Yes, I am weak.  I admit it.  Thus, when JT told me that I should go since he is an elder at church and I am his wife and I needed to be open to new situations.  He was right.  That did not mean I liked what he had to say.  But I love him, so I went. 

It was totally different than what I expected.  We did not sit in a circle and hold hands.  There was no candle lighting or hugging. Thankfully for me, it was all independent...no group projects or talking. There were nine stations.....each one designed for reflection and prayer.  Whether you are religious or spiritual or like me and just trying love people like Jesus did and not screw up or none of it, several of these "activities", for lack of a better term, were quite helpful for reflection and growth.  I will admit my husband was right.  Yes, I said it.  He was right.  I wanted to give you a couple of highlights.  I have paraphrased the actual activities and shortened them...Sorry Ben, if you read this.  I also wanted to challenge you to sit down and try one or a couple of these....to stop and think about life....both your own, those that you affect, and otherwise. 

Station 5: Choose a country on the map and place a small stick-it.  Choose one that hasn't already been chosen. Pray for that country, it's leaders, government, people that live there, orphans in that country.

My first choice, Ethiopia, had been chosen.  I sat for a minute thinking about all the countries...and then it hit me....the tiny sliver of Togo, Africa is where my friend Kelly is living.  She was a resident with me during my intern year and has gone to Togo to serve as a doctor.  She recently helped me with my HIV PowerPoint as this is something she is seeing regularly in West Africa. 

Challenge: What country are you going to pray for this week?  It does not have to be third world....I am pretty sure America could use it.  If you pick one, leave a comment!

Station 7: Look at the verses and quotes already written on the wall.  Which one speaks to you? Now, choose a couple new ones and write those on the papers to encourage others. 

I chose the following to write on the wall as the ones "speaking" to me...for so many reasons:
"So let's not get tired of doing what is good.  At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessings if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

"Friendship is unnecessary like philosophy, like art.  It has no survival value but gives value to survival."  CS Lewis  (from my last post)

"I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun as risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see." CS Lewis

Challenge:  What verses or quotes are encouraging to you right now? Write them somewhere, share them with someone else, leave a comment here with them.

Station 2: Read these verses: Matthew 6:25-29  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?    Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these."
Write down your worries on the postcards provided.  Pray for the perspective of the verses and try to realize our worries our temporary.

I sat there worried I would use all of the Post-It index cards.  Seriously.  Were there any left?  I am not sure.  I started listing and kept going (most of these are verbatim).... Marriage (am I good enough, attractive enough, domestic enough), finances (will we ever pay my student loans, will we ever buy a house, are we saving enough), Body image (I am not pretty, I am too fat, Does anyone see past me being overweight), Chernet's HIV (Will people not be our friends because of his HIV, Will we have children? Will he marry someone?  Will he stay healthy?), Tedi (Will he grow into a good man? Does he know how much we love him? Are we loving him the right away?), Chernet (Is he happy? Am I parenting him as he needs? Will he attach to us?) , Job (Will I interview well?  Where will I match? Do they really want me here?  What if I screw it up?), Residency (Will I pass my boards next year? Am I doing a good job? Am I one of the best? What could I do better?), Friends (Am I giving enough? Am I a good friend? Do my friends know how much I care?), Family (Will I ever conceive? What will our family look like in five years?  Can I be a good mom and do the job I want? Are my parents and sister okay?)

Now you see why I ran out of index cards.  I worry a bit.  And I tried am trying to give it up all up and realize it gets me no where.... I am a work in progress..

Challenge:  Jot down your worries.  Pray over them... ask a friend to do so.. Then pitch them. 

Station 6: Take a sheet of paper and right down the titles you have in your life (wife, mother, sister, daughter, co-worker, committee member)  Next to the words, pray about and then write down examples of how you can be a blessing to others in that area of your life.

A Couple of Mine (I won't include all of them because some of them are personal for the other people involved in mine):
Wife:  Plan a monthly date with JT.  Make an effort to domestic things I hate...laundry and such
Mommy:  Spend one date day with each boy each month.  Special rewards for good school behavior.  More praise.
Parent of Kindergartens: send a note to the teachers in the boys's folders each week thanking them for their work
Mentee at work: thank those attendings that give their time to support and help me
Adoption Advocate: spend time with new families and be open and honest about the struggles
Friend: named specific friends I could do things for and bless

Challenge:  List your titles and how you can bless people in each role.  Let me know if I can do anything for you specifically.....or am not doing something I should be...


So that is a sampling of the 9 stations.... nine exercises.  I hope someone gets something out of this...that someone will find it as helpful as me....as I continue to try improving.... and yes, I will say it again, JT was right.... I benefitted from going.

Because I love you.....

Think about the things you do for someone you love.... Not the LOVE in high school "if you LOVE me you will make out with me." or Or that Celine Dion song "Because you loved me" (which I will admit to listening to as I write this... and it actually does fit in this context but is exceedingly sappy and emotional).... or "OMG, you are totally the greatest for getting me a double shot vente nonfat no whip latte. I just LOVE you."  But like real love.  Love that sacrifices.  "Greater love hath no man than this; that he lay down his life for his friends" John 15:13 .... Fall on your proverbial sword kind of love.

When stating it that way, it seems that these would have to be grand acts....great valor, extreme measures... I mean, sometimes they are.  But the way I see it, the more poignant examples are the ones we do each day....repeated small examples of sacrifice day in and day out.... the little things...real life.

“We can do no great things; only small things with great love.” ~Mother Teresa

 

The first segment below are the things I do daily, mainly written to make you laugh, things that I do when I really would rather do other things or just be lazy.... things that remind me to keep doing more....things that make me grow as a person and make me grateful for the people I have been given that I can give love to.... And also there are things that others, random special people in my life (husband, family, friends, my kids), do for me....Start each of the sentences below with:

 

Because I love you.....

 

....I do crafts for your school projects so you won't be "that kid" and I DO NOT CRAFT.

....I do not kill you when you turn on my pager during vacation just to hear it beep (totally joking)

....I give cards even when it makes me vulnerable and self conscious

....I wake up early to get ready so that you have a freshly made lunch

....I take pictures when I think you would like something so I can show you later

....I take more patients on call

....I go to large social gatherings when I would rather wear sweats and drink Diet Coke

....I pray out loud in public though it makes me infinitely uncomfortable (you are welcome, JT)

....I leave you cards when you clean my call room

....I am sarcastic with you... that is my love language

....I was on the nightly news with you despite my disapproval

....I let you get the bathroom water-soaked

....I make blue scrambled eggs and red pancakes in silly shapes

....I wear a bathing suit in public, I go to the zoo, to Chuck E Cheese, to Mr. Gatti's (or is it Gattitown or Gattiland now... I don't know)
....I am nervous all the time because I do not want you to be my friends' patient at work

....I spend my salary on Beyblades, Bakugan, and Ben 10

....I read Llama Llama instead of the new Emily Giffin book

....I watch LeapFrog and Despicable Me and Toy Stoy 2 (for the 1873rd time) instead of Bravo, HGTV, Hitch, or Couple's Retreat

....I look at your text pictures of rashes, cuts, medical questions...

....I clean up your pee.  That should be enough.

 

Because I am loved.....

 

....you hang up the cards I get you in your office

....you let me buy more cards and stationary

....you pick up my son's stool culture kit at the pediatrician

....you allow me to leave my clean laundry in the floor for a week

....you make me fruit dip, without the fruit

....you call me just because

....you stay at the airport until 2am to welcome home our son

....you drive me for yogurt/ice cream/anything sweet even when you don't get anything because you know I love it

....you acknowledge ridiculous text even when I am being unreasonable

....you tell me I am worth it

....you love my children

....you let me have a date weekend with my husband, for free

....you sleep on your left side so I am more comfortable

....you put cards in my white coat

....you remind me that you are normally right, but I am still okay

....you let me listen to Christmas music, in October and buy pumpkin yogurt in April

....you set up times to go to the gym even though you know we will never go

....you kiss my child who has HIV to prove to me you love him because you love me

....you listen to angry chick music and the Rent soundtrack...because I want to

....you leave coffee for me post call because you know I can not sleep when I go home

....you let me get to the edge of breaking down and then help me back up

....you tell me to Shut Up because you know I will get a job even when I think I won't

....you call me mommy.  And that is really more than my heart can really hold most days.

 

I know these may seem silly, but they are real.  I mean, seriously.  Why do we love the people in our lives.....because they show up...they invest in us daily and continue to show back up.  And if they don't annoy us or vice versa and love us despite ourselves, they make our life better.  They make life worth living....they being our spouses, our friends, our kids, our families.  So I hoped you laughed but I also hope you stopped and thought about those you love and that add to your life.  and then thank them.

 

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” ~CS Lewis

For the record, I cried.

I cried this morning.  Not as Tedi kissed our cheeks (and gave us raspberry kisses), told us he was going to learn Chinese, excitedly jumped out of the car and ran into school.  Not as I watched Chernet have a stage 4 meltdown in the back of the car after Tedi jumped out.  Not as we hugged a now happy Chernet goodbye and left Lincoln.  I even SMILED as I walked into our silent condo with a tall Cafe Miele from Sunergos thinking about shopping for an interview shirt and new book and lunch with Heather.  I thought I would happily sit down and post the typical "First Day of Kindergarten" pics to the blog and facebook and head on out to Heather's. 

Then I sat down and loaded the pictures from the camera.  The first picture was this one of Tedi:

It did not help I was listening to "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri.  I stared at this picture as tears stream streamed down my cheeks.  Not a messy, chest heaving, my heart hurts cry but one that pours out of you with both gratitude and love.  Tears I rarely achieve.  This face, this boy has taught me so much and made me want to the best version of myself.  He has shown SOOO many people how to love people of all colors, of all backgrounds with complete disregard for what they previously thought.  I am convinced that because of him, many children have been adopted.  Many churches have started thinking about orphans because of him.  This kid, this big KINDERGARTEN-er, he just loves life and everyone and because of that, everyone is changed because of him.  I doubt we would have had the faith to adopt a second son with HIV had it not been for the love of this boy.  He is no longer an orphan...he is MY SON.  And seeing him so big is about more than my heart can handle.  I do not know what he looked like at 6 months (though I wish I did) or as a small toddler...but I do know this, I am excited to watch this 5 year old become a man a change the hearts of many more people....

Now look at these.... do you see why I am crying cried.  This scared little boy is growing and changing and it looks good on him...

First Day of Pre-School

First Day of Pre-K

I am a lucky mom... like so many others.  Seeing my son grow is tough...yet so rewarding.  I am just blessed to be a mom to these boys...to be able to confuse teachers with how my son can be "ESL" but I speak English (that was fun today).  I am blessed to have a husband walk my children in with me because I saw so many moms doing it alone.   

So yes, I cried.  Tedi did it!  Blame him!  Here are a couple more from the typical

First Day of Kindergarten (x2)




Blurry because the kid CAN'T stand still