Thursday, November 29, 2012


Yesterday at noon I snuck into a call room with two of my close friends, logged in to the National Residency Matching Program website, and to my shear pleasure, found out that I "matched" at the University of Louisville (where I am currently) for my critical care fellowship.  I know many of you do not know what this means..... basically, I have six months left of pediatric residency.  If I stopped there, I would be a general peds doctor.  However, I want to work in the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit) and to do so, I must do three more years of training.  Glutton for punishment?  Maybe. 

Nevertheless, I could not be more excited.  First, I have a husband that will support me through five to seven calls per month for next three years, love me even when I am not lovable, and be both a mother and father at times... (And calls do not mean I sleep at home and answer a pager... I wish.  I spend the night in the hospital and he is home).  Second, I love this city and the friends that I have made here and are staying here.  Third, I could not be luckier to be educated by an intimidatingly intelligent and challenging group of faculty. 

Yet, I am so scared....that I do not know enough, won't be good enough, can not balance work and family.... and at the same time, so ready to learn more, challenge myself even more. 

Frankly, I am just so blessed.  Erica took me out for Thai food the night before.  My friend Sarah brought me breakfast on match day as well as had cookies ready after it was final.  Kasey and Heather brought me cards (because they know of my love of cards).  My boys sent me flowers.  My medical student made butterscotch brownies since I am the only person who buys the butterscotch Lifesavers and she had hear about it.  I was flooded with texts and Facebook messages.  My nursing friends on the med-surg floor bought me great Mexican food and we had a little fiesta.  Shreep bought me a diet coke (very crucial and thoughtful!).  I was on call after the match so JT took my post call day off....we took the boys to a doc appt, had brunch at Wild Eggs, watched the movie Lincoln, and finished up the boys Christmas.  I am overly loved, if you will. 

I mean, it was just a great time.  Some would say "well why make such a big deal, especially if you were kind of, sorta sure you would match there?" A good friend even said as much. That is valid, I guess.  But it is a life changer.  A big decision.  A big day.  And I appreciate those who went out of their way to make my day special and made me feel loved. 

So there it is.  We are staying here in Louisville, at least until June 2016 that is! 

Sunday, November 11, 2012


It is the eleventh day of November...orphan awareness month, the month of Thanksgiving.  As the month has marched on the past eleven days, I have read Facebook status after status of the things people are thankful for.  It is interesting, for numerous reasons, to see for what people are thankful.  I have not participated in this, though I don't disagree with the concept, but it really has made me consider what I am thankful for. 

I mean, I guess what we are thankful for, in it's most deconstructed definition...are the things that make our life better.  Yes, in my opinion, this can be both good and bad.  I am thankful for the crappy MCAT score in 2005 because otherwise I would not have made the friends I did at Ross and been on the path to being a pediatric intensivist... I am thankful that I did not get pregnant when I wanted to because of the beautiful sons I have now, for the other children that have been adopted as a result, for racial divides that have been crossed....

Yet when I really think about the things I am most thankful for, even the seemingly bad things, are people.  Don't get me wrong, I am "thankful" for the THINGS that make life better.....iPhones and chocolate and 90s music and nice stationary and clean water and my health and Disney movies and diet coke and my down comforter and good pizza and a quality ink pen and my hair after a salon day and Reef flip flops and ice cream and ceiling fans and any kind of dip and perfume and journals and Christmas decorations and my yoga pants.... even the "things" which I value most....the things you run into fire for, that do not have a value on a homeowners policy... all of these are tied to people.....For instance, my blue quilt and handmade corduroy bear were made by grandma who is long gone or Christmas traditions because my mom handed them down or my dad's US Navy dog tags or my dad's family cookbook or photographs, each with their own story. 

I am thankful for a husband who more than tolerates me, more than loves me but does laundry and is both mom and dad more days than not and likes to mop floors and even though he gets mad at drive thrus once a week, which speaks to my cooking and yet another reason he loves me too much, he is integral.  For him I am thankful...  For my mom for teaching to give, to celebrate, to have fun.... and my dad for work ethic and refusal to give up.... and my sister for reminding me not to take myself too seriously....For my in laws and their love of me and my family and encouraging me and helping with our kids.  Daniel and Denise who think are children hung the moon as they throw things across the room.

For my dear dear friends.... Emily for being steadfast and so different from me that it works and Jacqueline for making me demand more of myself and Sarah for a glimpse to my past and Erica for just being easy and the endless ramblings that are comfortable as if we have always been friends.... For Heather in her love for my family and being just like JT and both getting and pretending to appreciate my card obsessions.  And Taryn who loves my boys and is here at a moments notice with coffee and babysitting, even when she would rather be at a Kappa Delta function.  For Eunice and Paige and their role in my becoming who I am as a doctor....for not letting me sell myself short. For Erin, who continues to be both a mentor and friend to me...and Kate for seeing in me something before I saw it in myself.  For Brittney who has seen me through 2 adoptions and loves me despite my inability to contribute any food to any party we have. And Amy for her open door policy and lack of judgment and forgiveness of foul language and telling me I am smart when I am anything but.  My other Britney, who loves me, even when I do not pluck my eyebrows or get my hair cut on time.   These people, and others along the way that I am clearly leaving out....they are the real reason life is better.  They are the real reason to be thankful. 

You see, I have stopped finding it coincidental when I meet someone who changes my life a little or a lot....I have stopped standing in awe when I can connect the dots to how and why I met a person and how it changes my life, the course of my future, and makes the future make sense.  I believe God uniquely and purposefully orchestrated each relationship, each encounter, and we should all take them a little more seriously. 

Days 1-30 of Month of Thankfulness: I am thankful for my people.
(even if I did not list you by name, please don't think it doesn't matter.... I promise you do.)

"Let me be grateful to people who make me happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom "
- Macel Proust

Family Pics

Here is a screen shot of a few of them.... we get the CD this week. We love  Elizabeth at Lizzie Loo.  She did our family pics when Tedi came home, so it was only appropriate for her to do these.  I will post more when we get them!!!!!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Would you?

Would you adopt?  Would you if it did not cost so much money?  Would you if you did not have to answer questions about them being "your own" or about your sex life and it's ability to produce a child?  Would you adopt if you were not afraid of what your family or friends would think?  Would you adopt if you knew they would be "normal"?  Would you adopt if it was easy? Would you adopt a toddler or older child if you were not worried they had trauma in the past....that they wouldn't affect your 'own' kids?  Would you adopt if you were not afraid? 

Take moment.  Would you?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Handwriting and Kevin Bacon

On the evening of the election, I will speak NOTHING about the election. 

I have written about it many times but I have a weakness of giving cards and receiving them.. not emails, not facebook messages, not texts...but the real deal.  I often feel they go wasted and unappreciated but at the same time, the pleasure and happiness I have in picking out each one for each specific person is worth it if there is a slight bit of joy brought to the other person.  Very few people seem to enjoy them, and that is fine.  However, a couple of weeks ago as I sat up in the hospital waiting listen to a kid after a breathing treatment, I found my self flipping through the medically sound magazine of PEOPLE....  You know the last page of the magazine usually has a quick bio story of a star?  Well, this random one featured Kevin Bacon (as I typed his name, I realized how weird it is to have the last name Bacon).... I read this little bit in his article and felt VALIDATED by the Footloose protagonist....
"My favorite thing in the world is to receive postcards from friends.  And I trave a lot, so I send them back.  It may be old-fashioned, but when I see someone's handwriting, it's like a little piece of them. And I always love it." 

I feel the same way about the handwriting bit but just feel too cheesy and self conscious to admit it.  I loved seeing my mom sign her name growing up.  I feel a sense of comfort seeing either of my parents' writing on a piece of mail.  JT thinks I am crazy when I do not want to put a return address on a piece of mail.  I, however, find it exciting to guess who cards and letters are from.  I know you are shocked I had a pen pal in elementary school.

Anyhow, if you send me a card or letter or postcard, rest assured it is being saved and treasured, regardless of how insignificant the occasion or as meaningless as you may is in my "card box" that my friend Erica designated in our last move for the collection!  She said it was a little out of control...  every one of them means a lot.

Thursday, November 1, 2012