Frustration

I am glad I have waited several days to write this post.  Nevertheless, I am still harboring frustration FOR (not with) Chernet.  While I am mostly happy with his school, I feel like I am having to say over and over to myself and to others..."He lived three of his first five years in an orphanage with minimal rules. It was survival of the fittest and we do not know what behaviors he saw and felt were acceptable."  Do not hear me wrong.  I grew up with the motto of "Excuses are a sign of weakness."   I do not excuse Chernet's behavior when it does not fall in line with the rules but at the same time, I understand or try to understand its origin.  So when someone shoves him, he shoves back.  He continues a behavior, even if bad, when someone laughs.  He wants to hug people and hold hands with his friends because that is how he has grown up.  And I feel I am incessantly explaining little behaviors to people so they don't "label" him.  I feel like it is a constant little battle....

And despite this, he is doing so well.  Our NO FLY ZONE color has improved and even earned GREEN behavior two times this week.  That is the best he can get!  I let him pick a coloring book, his favorite thing, as a reward for his behavior on Tuesday.  I wish you could hear his English....the new language mixed with his Ethiopian accent.  He is telling me stories about school and sports and friends....though the stories are scattered from the weeks since he came home.  He told me all about playing baseball (albeit two weeks ago).... about someone hurting his feelings at school.  They are in broken English and hard to piece together.....but they are his.  And while he often still won't hug me or kiss me at will, I feel privileged to be privy to his random stories at bedtime.

I love this boy.  He is my boy and I will fight for his little stories and little life...Over and over and over again.