Thursday, April 19, 2012

Bits of Anxiety

I have been trying to pinpoint over the last few days why I am so anxious about my trip.  I have traveled before. I know what to pack for the most part.  Long plane flights are tolerable.  Foreign foods and cultures are exciting...  And the more I think about it, dwell on it, I realize that my nerves, anxiety, and also excitement lie mixed in two places. 

I will be meeting my second son for the first time.  I will also be meeting Tedi's birthmother.  I do not which of these is causing the right side of my neck to tighten daily and slight acid reflux to occur.  I am overjoyed that in the next three weeks I will get hug and kiss and visit with my sweet boy.  But there is also this piece of me that wonders if his almost 5 year old self will be pleased with me....  And yet I have the same thoughts with meeting Tedi's birth mother.  Will she find me good enough, adequate enough, to parent her baby?  I honored and humbled to be meeting her yet very anxious. 

I wish I was better at explaining my emotions.....even more better at expressing them. 

In other news....  we went today for our travel vaccines... not a cheap or painless endeavor.  Between the two of us, we received yellow fever, typhoid, flu (JT), polio booster (me), Hep A/B boosters..... Tedi was with us and was very concerned that we were going to hurt.  He also enjoyed the bandaid removal this afternoon.  My right arm has been a bit sore today and he kept laying his head against it while watching Wipeout.  I told him it was hurting.... his reply "well, let me just make it better with a kiss."  Love that kid.

Also, today was our preliminary court date in Ethiopia where the judge reviews are file and gives permission to travel in two weeks.  Our agency did not see any issues...nevertheless, it will be nice once the confirmation comes that we are cleared to travel.  We probably won't hear tonight since it is already 1am in Ethiopia.  Maybe tomorrow...

Thanks for following our journey! 

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