If I could have gotten Pregnant instead.....

....... I would not have to lock every medicine in a lock box but rather keep out of my child's reach
....... I would not need to provide three years of taxes to someone who will judge my ability to pay bills
....... I would not have to answer questions about my parenting style, draw family trees and define the    strength of each bond and who will and won't accept my multi-racial family
........ I would not have to write a 10 page autobiography about my past
........ I would not have answer "when will you have one of your own."
........ I would have not to be fingerprinted, interviewed (twenty times), watch videos about children's medical needs (despite being a doctor), or be asked offensive questions about loving a black child (when I already have one)
........ I would not have to explain my fertility, sex life, adoption decision, and family planning daily

BUT.....

....... I would also not have loved my husband as much as I do
....... I would not have a multitude of friends I have made in the adoption world
....... I would not have learned patience the way I have
....... Others may not have adopted or become attune to the needs of children around the world.
....... I would not have been called Mommy and get daily hugs
....... I would not be the person I was ultimately called to be
....... I would not be the doctor I am called to be...

This weekend through today I was reminded of the ups and downs of the adoption journey.....both the joys of getting large gifts and love and hearing hurtful things and going through the monotony of the paperwork trail.  Yet, I get home and a little man says "Mommy, read to me the Toy Story book Miss Erica got me"  and I sigh and realize....not only does he have a mommy, a warm home, extended family, exceptional friends, but can read, write (kind of) and can love unconditionally.... If I had gotten pregnant in my time, he may never been here.... here with us, here on earth.... we will never know.  So today, despite the frustrations, I am so very thankful to know my not getting pregnant now has changed my world forever.