Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Counting the Cost

Here is the question.  The real question of adoption. What will it cost you?  Yes, it is a loaded question because "cost" in this sense is multi-faceted.  Will it cost you money? Yes, whether you adopt from Shelby County, KY or Saigon. Will it cost you pride? Yes.  Will your heart pay? For sure.  Will it cost you friends, family, acquaintances? It may.  Will it cost time? No doubt...... But more than the costs.....COUNT THE GAIN... How will you change, how will you change others, whether you adopt or support adoption, you gain....gain life.  Take a look at the costs...our cost.

1) Financial: The main HANG UP.  Adoption can cost anywhere from $15,000 to $35,000.  Most people who desire to adopt do not have that kind of money laying around, regardless of your yearly gross income.  Looking down the barrel at $25,000, as was our case, you start to doubt your financial ability to pay for an adoption, afford a child or another child, make payments on your other responsibilties while raising money, find ideas for fundraising.....but you may doubt God...not openly but in the subconscious place you may not even be able to utter aloud.  I admit that I did.  JT and I fortunately were able to openly discuss our doubt and had friends who prayed over our doubt. 

Gain.....we did gain money...but God showed us His love and grace... As JT now says, "God shows up when ordains something."  We fundraised and God provided.  He moves in the heart of those around you to support you.  So when doubt starts creeping in (and I still remind myself of this), you and I have to remember that if we consume ourselves with doubt, we can not see what is trying to happen before our eyes.

"He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”  Matthew 17:20

2) Your HeartWhile deciding to adopt, your heart will toss and turn like a third trimester pregnant woman.  You will debate, get excited, get discouraged, become on fire, saddened at the state of the will wonder why children have to suffer.... Your heart will definitely Feel the cost while counting the cost.  But your heart will be changed, your world will be changed.  It will cost you the heartache rought by hours of inner deliberation but will free you to live a life of liberation....You will now know what is beyond your small world.... With that said, the liberation of carries its own cost.... That is where I am now.  I KNOW, so now what...what ELSE can I do now that I know AND have adopted.  Thus, my heart is still counting the cost, but now I stand affirmed that it is worth it... see pictures below if you don't believe me.

"Don't say, "I didn't know it!" God can read your mind. He watches each of us and knows our thoughts. And God will pay us back for what we do." Proverbs 24:12 (Contemporary English Version)

3) Who:  Who will support you, be your cheerleader, wipe your tears, hold your hand, plan your shower, help fundraise, financially help, plug you in.... PRAY for you? Who will cautiously stand back unsure of their stance waiting to see 'how it goes'?  Who secretly condemn your decision without asking you questions, probing your heart and theirs?  Who will openly attack your decision, your heart, your future child, your finances to the point of your tears, frustation and possbily crumbling of the relationship?     I have been in each of the places...simply because our adoption.... Thankfully I can say the damaged relationships are now in perpetual repair, but it can be a difficult season.....the cost.  But Oh the gain.  We will never know the hearts that have been changed by our adoption, NOT BY US, but by God using us to adopt.  We will never know on this side of heaven if someone straddling the fence decided to move forward
with adoption because of Tedi and our adoption... we will never know if a heart filled with anger and distaste for different races and cultures has been swayed, softened and re-structured.  We won't know the gain of others now...we do not need to know but we must remember such gain when we are adding up our cost.

I have struggled with each of these topics deeply and that is the only reason I feel slightly capable to write about these things.

~October 2009~

~October 31, 2010~

***Thankfulness: I am thankful for old friends.  I was able to go to the hospital tonight to visit my friend who just delivered her daughter, Mya.  It was so great to see her, her baby and to be grown ups and still love our friendship.


  1. Great post! You said so much of what others are thinking and feeling that are going through this process. I know it must have been difficult to write so candidly.

  2. You are doing a great job of bringing attention to the subject! Great post....can I post it on mine.(I promise to give you credit, though people would probably know I didn't write that so well!)