Enough
I feel like I am not doing enough.... I am not studying enough and improving my skills and knowledge as a doctor. I am not seeing my friends enough and investing in the them. I am not exercising enough to accelerate my diet and weight loss goals. I am not soaking up every single moment with my dear son closely enough. More than all of these kinds, while important in their individual ways. I am complaining enough, feeling inadequate enough, and faultering enough, getting easily aggravated and not trusting enough. But more importantly, I feel as if I am NOT praying ENOUGH for God to show me where He wants me in regards to caring for His children, His orphans, His religion (James 1:27).
I have been so blessed with a pediatric residency, the one of my foremost choosing.... God's doing. I know this should be enough for now....that I should feel blessed. I have been given family to help care for a love my Ethiopian miracle. JT is a husband that I am blessed to have. I have so many blessings but there is still a deep, nagging ache that I could be doing more... I do not know if this means growing our family with more children, helping with an adoption ministry on a church level, medical missions to orphanages... I just don't know. I am not a super mommy and all star like so many blog moms out there. I will never claim to be profound or have it all together.. But I want to use the gifts I have been given.
Sorry for this rambling but I am feeling this tug, this thirst and have not yet tasted the quench. In the meantime, I posted a few pics of our last several days. I was unable to get the cutest soccer picture to upload....silly blogger. Anyhow, Enjoy the pics! I should have more to upload and update soon.
I feel ya.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love the soccer pic with the head band and wrist bands! :)
ReplyDeleteI think this feeling comes the minute you become a mother, or maybe it is a woman thing magnified by being a mother. An overwhelming sense of guilt - that comes directly from Satan to make us feel like we are not enough or too much. Praying that you will be comforted that you are all you need to be - because of Jesus Christ.
ReplyDeletesorry, natalie! i know i felt like that from time to time too when we had the boys...just struggling with feeling like i was doing nothing well. i also know that satan would love us to dwell on those things so we take our eyes off the Lord, but i'm praying for you to be refreshed and encouraged today!
ReplyDelete