5 Million Minus 1

Today was different than most days have been lately. We did not have any plans. The day was gorgeous. We browsed the only bookstore in town looking for a blank journal....NO luck. But I did enjoy browsing through the children's books. We grabbed a coffee and dreadfully stopped by Wal-Mart for some small things. We decided to take a drive into the "country". We came home and hung out together, watching basketball, making guacamole and spent much needed time together. I just could not shake the feeling that something, someone was missing....

Tedi.

We have been so busy with so much going on that I do not have time to dwell on him not being with us. Do not get me wrong. I know he is not here. I feel it everyday. With getting the paperwork in, waiting for a residency spot, JT's job search, looking online for homes....it all has run together and I have not really had a moment to breath, much less focus on the gaping hole in my heart and in our home. We are continuing to wait for our court date, patiently waiting. But today when I walked into our office and picked up a piece of clothing purchased for Tedi, I could not help but clinch it tightly in my hand and push back tears. We have no children, yet have the deepest yearning to be parents..a yearning with which I was truly unfamiliar until we actually started the adoption process. So, today I want a little one to hold....MY LITTLE BOY. I wanted to take him to the park and play and fly a kite and read to him. I know this waiting is difficult for so many, but having no kids of our own, our eagerness is palpable.

Now, I say all of this to remind myself that God is in control. As we were cleaning up tonight, JT asked me to play the music on our blog and turn off the TV. John Waller's song "While I am Waiting" came on....not a coincidence....reminding me that I am doing something bigger than me and God will carry me through this.... so below I am sharing the lyrics. Tomorrow we are speaking to our church's contemporary service out our adoption. We spoke back in December but only to the later service because snow cancellations. Pray for us tomorrow!

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord